


they don't teach about love on vulcan

by Felurian



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Drinking, F/F, Friendship, M/M, Stamets and Burnham are drinking buddies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-11
Updated: 2017-11-11
Packaged: 2019-02-01 00:48:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12693594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Felurian/pseuds/Felurian
Summary: "I've been in love, once," Burnham starts quietly. "It seems like a lifetime ago now."Michael and Paul become sort of drinking buddies after the infamous Mudd incident. Secret is uncovered and a friendship is born.





	they don't teach about love on vulcan

**Author's Note:**

> Uhhh I'm really sorry about that but also I'm not because Michael & Paul friendship is the best :')

"I lied, you know."

Paul startles, whiskey in his glass sloshing dangerously. He looks over to Burnham, whose gaze is focused somewhere on the wall and sighs. It's not that she's his first choice for a drinking buddy but Hugh is dealing with away team's injuries right now, Tilly is way too talkative, Tyler intimidates him sometimes and... yeah, Burnham might just be his choice. She doesn't talk much and has pretty sensible taste when it comes to drinks. He's surprised how well she holds her liquor for someone who never drank alcohol until they joined Starfleet, actually.

"I thought Vulcans can't lie," he jokes.

"Well, I'm not a Vulcan," she replies, bitterness clear in her words.

He cringes inwardly because maybe that wasn't the best thing to say. Not that he cares that much about hurting someone's feelings. Usually, at least. Nowadays, with his messed up DNA, it's hard to tell how he feels anymore sometimes.

"What did you lie about?"

"My secret," Burnham says, her face blank. She's still not looking at him. "When Mudd attacked the ship and you asked for a secret, so I would believe you next time. It was a lie."

Paul regards her curiously. That's not a revelation he expected from her, nor is it a subject he ever wanted to touch again, after foolishly reminding her of this sometime after the Mudd incident.

"That's... unexpected," he says, carefully choosing his words. He feels ridiculous, trying not to scare her off with whatever he chooses to say. Why should he care anyway? They're not friends.

Are they?

"I've been in love, once," Burnham starts quietly. "It seems like a lifetime ago now."

There's a moment of silence but Paul doesn't dare to disturb her.

"You know all about my story, I suppose. Everyone on this ship does," she continues, not waiting for him to reply. "There was someone, back on Shenzhou, that I loved." Nothing in her face changes but Paul can just hear the tremble in her voice.

He takes a drink before asking, "They died in the Battle of Binary Stars?"

Burnham cringes upon hearing the name. Paul barely feels anything when thinking about the battle that started it all - he's a scientist. It's not his business to meddle in wars. At least, it wasn't until Binary Stars happened, together with Lorca and U.S.S. Discovery.

"Yeah. I guess you could say so," she finally answers.

Paul can't help but wonder how it must feel. He remembers, with a shudder running down his spine, the infinite loop of having to watch Hugh die. The times he died in his arms, as Paul clutched his body desperately and the times when he died without him, engulfed in flames. Seeing him die over and over, never knowing if he can even save him, if this time won't be the last one, if Burnham and he ever manage to sort this out. But in the end, there was always another chance, _hope_ that they needn't die.

They didn't, and he got to convince himself of it time after time, entangled in Hugh's body, even as exhaustion has taken over his. Paul can't imagine a world in which he's gone, permanently. Doesn't want to imagine it.

"I'm sorry," he says. It feels insignificant in the light of what Burnham just told him but he can't find anything else to tell her. That it wasn't her fault? He can't know that.

She shakes her head. "I never knew I loved her. At least not until it was too late."

Paul has seen her fight before; she was a force to be reckoned with. But now, as she sits next to him, a half-emptied glass of whiskey in her hand, Burnham is anything but. She looks vulnerable and he suddenly realizes how much trust she puts in him, telling him that.

"They never teach us about love on Vulcan," she adds and while he can tell she's trying her best not to sound emotional, it fails.

"You're not on Vulcan anymore," Paul reminds her.

She finally looks at him - he notes that her eyes are shining with tears - the smallest of smiles on her lips.

"I suppose I'm not," Burnham replies, wistful. Suddenly, she slides off the barstool and stands next to him. "It's getting late, I should be going back to my quarters. Wouldn't want to wake up Tilly."

He knows that it's a lie and Tilly is most likely still browsing through Disco's database or working out but doesn't call her out on this. Instead, he nods and wishes her a good night.

It's when she's already by the door when he - or rather, the goddamn messed up DNA - decides to call after her. "Burnham!"

She looks at him apprehensively over her shoulder. "Yes?"

"She'd be proud of you. For what you're doing here," Paul says before he can stop the words. Burnham raises an eyebrow in a very Vulcan fashion.

"And what am I doing here?"

"Trying to fix things. End the war. I don't know, doing the good thing, I guess. She'd be proud." He feels like an idiot saying that, thinking she's going to send him a death stare and never talk to him again. Instead, she nods, giving him one of those not-quite-a-smile-yet and disappears behind the door.

Paul stares after her for a while. He tries to ignore the sadness that seems to have overcome him. Tardigrade DNA or no, Burnham, after all, might be more than just his drinking buddy. And friends, as much as strange this concept is, care for each other.


End file.
